On Being Edible

It is never easy being edible.
Insurance costs are just incredible.
You'll get no help from Go Compare
That singing man is not all there.
If anything the meerkat's worse,
I wish that he'd develop MRS-
A sickness from an unclean ward
Made a rampaging undead horde.
The zombies plied their evil trade
- selling pirated DVDs of Michael Grade
and some woman who was once on the One Show
Who stood on the sofa shouting "look at me now, though!
"I once was on Crimewatch, and once on the Bill
"And even Eastenders for a while, until
"I realised that wasn't in fact about crime
"But rather, a story of desperate rhyme
"Conducted by fools with no poetic skill,"
They did the new theme music for 'The Bill'.