Ground's Lava

When the ground's lava, you can't stand on it

It's hotter than a hot car bonnet

That's so hot you can fry eggs on it

And fully cook them so you don't vomit

Food safety is important with eggs

Road safety is important with legs

Don't use them to run under a vintage car

That kind of vehicle never goes far.

It's stuck in a parade behind 200 tractors

That cause more pollution than nuclear reactors

Which we don't have any of around here

What we do have though is flywheels and gears

And sprockets and engines and steam powered rollers

The virtues of which l often extol as

I watch them drive past during the parade

And think to myself. That's my day made

I only wish there had been more tractors

And washed-up ex-Coronation Street actors.