When the ground's lava, you can't stand on it
It's hotter than a hot car bonnet
That's so hot you can fry eggs on it
And fully cook them so you don't vomit
Food safety is important with eggs
Road safety is important with legs
Don't use them to run under a vintage car
That kind of vehicle never goes far.
It's stuck in a parade behind 200 tractors
That cause more pollution than nuclear reactors
Which we don't have any of around here
What we do have though is flywheels and gears
And sprockets and engines and steam powered rollers
The virtues of which l often extol as
I watch them drive past during the parade
And think to myself. That's my day made
I only wish there had been more tractors
And washed-up ex-Coronation Street actors.
